On Aging

Why don't I age like other people? Ok, I've got the wrinkles and the aches and pains, but I can still drive the speed limit, walk faster than a toddler, operate computers and cell phones with reasonable competency, and talk about something other than my health issues.

This morning as I was driving to work on the 6+ miles of 'paved' 2-lane road that precede my reaching the main highway, a PT Cruiser turned onto it right in front of me and proceeded to do about 25 on a road that I can drive 45 or 50 on in my big old extra long Silverado pickup. When we finally hit a straight patch and I zoomed around him while controlling my impulse to make rude gestures, I glanced into the driver's window. It's always my bet with myself that they're either old or on their cell phone, (or worse, both) and I win about 97% of the time. This time they were old, and I'm thinking, WHY? You must be retired - you look like you should be in a rocking chair with an oxygen tank handy - so why get on the road when people who are still able to pay taxes and contribute towards the social security benefits you live on are trying to get to work on time? Couldn't you sleep in and go to the drugstore after I'm at work? Of course you haven't been in an accident in 20 years .. but what about the 5 or 6 you cause every week driving so danged slow??

What is it about getting old and driving slow, anyway? I'm 50 and I can still do the speed limit (or a squidge over but don't tell anyone) on just about any road I drive. I try to tell myself that I should be more tolerant because that may be me someday, but I keep telling my husband that when age catches up with me and I can't drive faster than 1/2 of the posted speed limit, just shoot me. Or at least shred my driver's license. I really admire my father-in-law, who doesn't drive at all. He knows his limitations!

And yeah, I do have health issues, but I don't really want to discuss them with anyone except a health professional. Can we discuss aliens instead? Conspiracy theories? Bigfoot or Nessie? Or even religion or politics if you must, but let's not talk about your (or my) gastrointestinal problems, prostate health, skin disorders, hair loss, etc. It's bad enough watching the commercials on TV, I sure don't want to hear the details from you personally. When does age cause a level of apathy or lack of interest in the world to the extent that the most interesting topic for discussion I can think of is my health problems? I dunno, but when I get there .. please .. just shoot me.

Granted I'm 50 and not 80, but I can still manage technology, too. The date never flashed on my VCR (unless there was a power outage), I have a regular cell phone and operate it competently, and I can manage both Windows and Mac computers quite well. At some age does my brain stop being able to handle technology, or new things? Why can a 4-year-old operate a cell phone but supposedly my 60+-year-old Dad can't? (In fact he can and quite well). And furthermore, why are nonexistent cavemen offended by GEICO commercials but senior citizens aren't offended by Jitterbug commercials? If I really get to the point where I am so dumb I need a Jitterbug.. yeah, you know .. just shoot me.