The Last Goose

Written in memory of my six geese, who had been with us for a couple of years, and whom I greatly miss. We don't know what ate them, but something did.

The Last Goose

As the sun slowly slipped behind the trees, the last goose floated quietly in the small pool and waited.

She hadn't always been the last goose. Just a few days ago she'd been the Smallest goose of a family of six. They had a small pond and pools that the human tended, plenty of good food, and ducks and chickens to boss around. Life was good.

Only a few days ago they'd been running up and down the driveway and trying to fly, and Smallest caught a wind just right and made it halfway down the driveway. Eldest was impressed, and the human who'd seen the event had made noise with its hands and mouth which Smallest thought was approval. She might be the smallest, but she was the best flier!

Then one night bad things came out of the woods. Broken Wing let out a terrible cry which was quickly cut off, and then there was chaos. They scattered in every direction and no one saw exactly what happened, but Broken Wing was gone. After a while they plucked up their courage and looked for her, but none of them ever saw her again.

Another day passed, and when the darkness fell the bad things came again. Eldest saw the shadows coming towards them through the trees and called a warning. They ran for the big house, all but Gander who turned to protect his flock. The four remaining geese gathered on the porch and called,and eventually ventured out to where they'd last seen him, but all they found was a few feathers. Gander was gone.

At the next sunset the four of them were very nervous and stayed close to the house, resting in the light that streamed out of the window. The light did not protect them. The bad things seemed to have a taste for goose now, and no fear of the house or the humans. The terrified geese ran in every direction, flapping their wings and calling out until the humans came out of the house with lights and guns to see what the matter was. Next to Eldest and Smallest came back towards the house, and the humans took their lights and ran to look for the other two geese. Smallest huddled close to her sister and hoped against hope that the humans would return herding the missing two back to safety, but it was not to be. They returned carrying horror, a leg that Smallest recognized as Eldest's, and that was all.

Not an hour later the bad things came again, and Smallest ran as fast as she could and tried to fly. She flew as high as she ever had, over the fence and into the pasture with the horse. At first she thought the horse would stomp her, but he only wanted to sniff her and then stood near her. She squatted on the grass and trembled, but the bad things did not come where the horse was. She saw the humans out searching again, and one spotted her with the light and called out to the other, but they left her alone.

In the next day's sunshine Smallest walked back to the house, and she went all around calling and calling for Next to Eldest, but there was no answer. After a while, she understood, that she wasn't Smallest any more but the Last Goose. As the darkness fell that night, she floated in the small pool and waited, awake all night, starting at every sound.

The sun found her still there. Eventually she moved to the pond and got some sleep with her head tucked under her wing, and she hardly moved all day. She ignored the ducks even when they came close to her, and ignored the human and the food that was placed before her. As the sun began to touch the tips of the trees to the West, she moved back to the tiny pool, the one that was much too small to keep her safe.

And so the Last Goose floated quietly in the small pool, and she waited. And if the bad things came again, she would not try to run or fly.

The morning sun found the small pool empty, and not even a feather was left of the Last Goose.

Pagan = Pariah?

I actually paid pretty close attention in school, since about the only approval I got was from my teachers, and somewhat from the parental units, for good grades (meaning A or A+ of course), and I would swear that in Civics class we learned that America has freedom of religion. Now by all means correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't that mean that I am free to believe - and practice - any religion (or no religion) I want so long as I don't break any laws or interfere with your practice of your religion?

So why is it that the Christians, and only the Christians, claim the right to 'love' me, patronize me, pity me, think they're better than me, use any means including scare tactics to try to convert me, and generally harass me when they discover I'm not one of them? Have they ever come around to your house offering their literature and prayers and offering to help you 'find Jesus?' (Some of them get a bit annoyed if you tell them you didn't know he was lost .) What do you think would happen if the Buddhists did that? or the Muslims? or, heaven forbid, the Wiccans!? They'd probably be lynched, that's what. But from the Christians it is tolerated. Why? It can't be because they're the 'state' religion; we aren't supposed to have one. (Vaguely remember anything about separation of church and state from middle school or thereabouts?)

Actually, I don't have a problem with Christianity when they do it 'right.' I know a few that really try to live by the teachings of Christ, and not only do I admire them, I envy them. They have some nice, clear guidelines and goals to follow, a support system, and the comfort of believing that what happens to them after physical death will be all good, even better than this life. I can't quite convince myself to join them, though.

I don't have a problem with Jesus having been the son of God, a prophet or messiah. I don't have a problem with his dual identity (divine and human) or the things he was able to do, or even that he sacrificed himself for humanity. But I DO have a problem with him being the only path to God, and with him being a guaranteed path to God and 'Heaven.'

Start asking Christians about the Muslims and the Jews and the Buddhists going to hell and they will tell you 'they had their chance.' They did? They've been brought up in their religion since early childhood and they're surrounded by it all their lives .. doesn't the Christian bible say something about 'raising up a child in the way he should go and .. he will not depart from it?" But the children who've been raised up in other religions are just supposed to discard all that and embrace Christianity because some missionary gives them a pamphlet and a lecture? I'm sorry, but that's just not reasonable. Or fair. And yes, I know the world isn't fair but God should be!

And what about the people who didn't have a chance? Say for example those uncontacted tribesmen that were in the news recently after being photographed from a helicopter. A good minister will explain that they will have a chance to accept Christ after death .. somehow .. ... Yeah, I can see that scene. Black-skinned, red-painted spear-thumping warrior confronted by bearded white dude in a robe who says "Come with me and be saved!" Good thing the tribesman couldn't take his spear with him into the afterlife, or poor ol' Jesus would take another jab for the cause. (What? I'm being irreverant and blasphemous? Sorry, but if Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor he wouldn't last long as my friend and 'brother.')

In high school one of my best friends was a sweet, innocent, kind girl named Jo Ann who was a social outcast like me for several reasons. One, she had this big dent in the middle of her forehead from being pulled out of a breech position with forceps at birth. Two, she wasn't overly 'bright,' having been held back a grade or two and still attending high school at 19. Three, she and her family were Pentecostal. She couldn't cut her hair, couldn't wear makeup or jewelry, had to wear long skirts and dresses, and couldn't even dance or roller skate. But in all the 35 or so years I've lived since then, I haven't found a more kind-hearted, generous, loyal, forgiving person than she was. When she finally graduated, her parents forced her into an arranged marriage with a much older man. This man, also a 'devout' Pentecostal, locked her in his trailer when he went to work, beat her, controlled her, starved her (he thought she needed to lose weight, as she was a bit pudgy), cut off her communications with the outside world and isolated her from her few friends, and generally made her life a living hell. Then he got her pregnant. Unable to see a way out and unwilling to subject a child to the situation, she killed herself and her unborn baby. The death was ruled a suicide and nothing happened to either the parents or the 'husband.' And I am to believe that these 3 people will get off scot free, in this life and the next, for what they did to my friend Jo Ann just because they have accepted Jesus? I'm sorry but that's just unacceptable. Not that I want them to 'rot in hell,' but there oughta be some consequences!

At some level I think it's the arrogance of so many of the Christians that bothers me. Christ displayed a bit of that himself, but I think (hope) that he wasn't nearly as obnoxious about it as many of the current-day Christians are. "I'm going to heaven and you're not, na na na na na!" Jesus is my friend and I'm an adopted child of God but you're an orphan! Keep on though, maybe the devil will take you .. mwa ha ha ha ha!" Okay, so they don't say exactly that .. but if you listen closely, that's what they mean and they aren't really hiding it. They have all the answers because they're right there in that Book. Never mind that some other group has different answers for the same questions that they're getting out of the same book. Hey, this is faith .. keep logic out of it!

The other thing that bothers me is the barely disguised implication that you can't be a good person unless you're a Christian. Well, maybe there are a few Buddhists or Jews or Muslims out there trying to be good people ... but certainly anyone who calls themselves a pagan or a Wiccan or a witch or a Druid or anything like that .. well, they're practically devil worshippers, aren't they? .. no way they could be decent people. I happen to call myself a 'pagan' more or less by default, according to part 2 of the dictionary definition: "a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim." I'm not an atheist or agnostic, and I don't follow any particular religion. I come closest to being a Wiccan, but I don't want to offend the 'real' Wiccans by calling myself that since I don't take any active part in any of their religious observances, either. So when someone asks I just say "I'm a pagan" and leave it at that. Usually, if they're a Christian they're so shocked, or horrified, or both, that they don't ask any more questions after that. But I'm not a bad person. I obey laws and pay taxes. I work for a 501(c)(3) charity. I give to the United Way by payroll deduction. I donate blood to the Red Cross. I pick up turtles and carry them out of the road so they won't get run over. I never intentionally hurt anyone and I actively help people, and children, and animals, when and where I can. Okay, sometimes I hurt peoples' feelings but a) they usually more than deserve it and b) it's generally always my opinion of something they've done or said to me, in front of me, or to someone who's part of my life. Nobody - not even Jesus himself - got through life without hurting someone's feelings or making someone mad. But in general I think I'm a pretty good person. As soon as they hear the word 'pagan,' (or even hear me say quietly "I'm not a Christian") though, I am automatically one of the bad guys. Don't let your children near me, don't accept a ride from me if your car's broke down, and for Pete's sake (who the heck is Pete, anyway?) don't be my friend or socialize with me. I have non-Christian cooties and you might get infected and be quarantined from Heaven!

So anyway, what happened to 'freedom of religion'? Did we lose it somewhere along the way while I wasn't looking, like we've lost a big chunk of several other freedoms and are probably about to lose 'the right to bear arms'? We're working so hard, or at least a lot of us are, to overcome racial bigotry and gender bigotry and a bunch of other bigotries. What about religious bigotry? That's what it is, you know, this big idea that Christianity is the only true religion, or the best religion, and we have to accept whatever the Christians do and say because .. well, they're right! They're always right! Of course they are. Do you think Jo Ann would agree with you? And how many good Christians do you think there were in the Ku Klux Klan? (If you're a Christian, don't think about it too hard - you might get doubts, or concerns, and those are nearly more dangerous than my pagan cooties if you want to be 'saved' and get to Heaven.)

All right, so it's not going to change just because I'm ranting about it. I know that. But couldn't I at least be classified officially as a minority and get some benefit out of it?

City Slickers!

I have finally attended my first ever equestrian event - a campout and trail ride called City Slickers. It was a blast! I was worried about a lot of things, but only one of my fears came true. No, I didn't fall off the horse. No, I didn't get in any fights. I did, however, get talked into doing karaoke after a margarita or two. And that, my friends, is a true disaster. I'm surprised no one suffered brain damage, or even temporary deafness. But I was part of a group so maybe they couldn't hear me all that well.

Thursday morning I drove over to my friend Andrea's house, parked my car, and unloaded my stuff into her trailer. She drove, let me share her tent, and brought her extra horse for me to ride. Is that a friend, or what? We arrived a bit after Noon and discovered that one of her other friends was holding a strategically great campsite for us, close to the pavilion and restrooms with nice shady trees. What a deal!

After setting up our tent, dining canopy, and a highline for the horses (man it's cool to say that and know what I'm talking about), we actually got to go for a trail ride. Woot! It was uphill and downhill and rocky and included a water crossing, but I made it and so did poor Max, the appaloosa who had to carry my fat butt all weekend. Then we had a great supper cooked for us by the 'neighbors' (Andrea's friend Melissa and her family).

Friday was more trail riding and some socializing, and Saturday I cooked the burgers & dogs for lunch and helped serve dinner. We also had a silent auction in which I won a lovely breast collar, some jewelry, and some extra tack I didn't really need but hey - it was a good price and a good cause! Saturday night after dinner was the karaoke contest, which I was roped into being one of the 3 judges for, and after that came the margaritas and the non-competitive karaoke. My husband's response when I told him about the karaoke was "I'm glad I missed that."

I got sunburned in spite of wearing sunscreen, gained a little time in the saddle and experience, had fun, and 'bonded' more with several of the club members. All in all, it was the most fun I've had in years and I'm already planning on attending more events! Andrea says I'm a great camping buddy and welcome to go with her anytime; and maybe before too much longer one of my horses will be ready to go to something like that. They need more time and training, both of which are in short supply, but I've got to make it more of a priority. 4-leggers are not like 4-wheelers, you can't just park them in the garage and then expect to be able to get them out and ride them whenever you want.

No good deed ...

goes unpunished. Or so everyone keeps telling me, and Sunday it seemed very true.

We started out at 8:00 am to cut down a tree and put up a fence. Mind you, we didn't want to cut down the tree ... we were perfectly happy with it where it was, and the trunk was mostly on our side of the property line. But, just a few days before, our neighbor had informed us that the tree was causing him 'lots of problems' because the limbs keep growing into his power lines. I started to give him permission to cut it down if he wanted to, but my husband was quicker than I .. he knew right away that this was the old man's roundabout way of asking US to cut the tree down. We sort of understood why he was bringing it up now .. once we got our fence put up it would be almost impossible to cut that tree down without hitting either his house or our fence. So .. trying to be the good neighbor, hubby agreed to cut the tree down.

8:00 am - Hubby starts trying to get a rope over one of the larger limbs to prevent the tree from falling the 'wrong' way.
8:20 am - Hubby starts on tree with chainsaw.
9:25 am - Hubby finally gets wedge cut out of tree and takes a break.
9:40 am - Tiiiimmmbbeerr!
10:45 am - We discover that, even after cutting most of the large limbs and dragging them out of the way by hand, the tree is too large and heavy to be moved with our 1/2 ton 4WD Chevy Silverado.
11:55am - After cutting up more of the tree into smaller chunks and dragging them off with the truck, we run out of room and decide to change directions. As I'm driving the truck across the field, I lose steering. The left front tie rod end is broken.
12:35pm - After finally getting the truck maneuvered out into the driveway where Hubby can work on it, we break for lunch.
1:15 pm - Hubby collects tools and parts and goes to work on the truck. I start weeding and mulching in the garden.
3:20 pm - The truck is repaired and tested. We return to the fallen tree.
4:05 pm - The last - and largest - section of trunk gets tangled up in the unrolled fence lying on the ground and, before I can see what's happening and stop, over 60 feet of field fence is trashed and three concreted-in corner posts have been ripped up out of the ground.
4:10 pm - Totally disgusted, Hubby gets in the truck saying "That's it, I'm done! (and some other things I won't repeat here) and goes to the house.
4:40 pm - Now cooled off and calmed down, Hubby returns to the scene where I am struggling (without much success) to put the corner posts back up. He explains that we can't reset the corner posts with the fence still attached, and, since the fence staples are nearly impossible to get out, we'll have to cut the fence. More $150/roll field fence gets trashed.
5:50 pm - Posts are back in the ground as good as they're going to get until we can dig bigger holes and fill in with more concrete. Fence is cut, spliced, and stretched to the 'weak' corner.
6:25 pm - Fence is spliced and stretched to the next corner, as well as it can be considering, and t-posts are going up.
7:05 pm - T-posts are up, Hubby starts stretching fence to next corner while I clip fence to t-posts as fast as I can, 2 per post for now.
8:35 pm - Fence is more or less up and clipped to t-posts and we are 'jerry-rigging' an extra piece of fence to serve as a makeshift gate because Atwoods closed at 6pm.
9:05 pm - We finish removing the damaged fence sections from the area and get our tools and supplies put away. Hubby starts fixing dinner and I start on my evening chores.

No good deed goes unpunished. And, as Hubby said, that may well be the last 'neighborly' thing we ever do for those neighbors. The old man has a tractor and spent at least part of the day sitting on his porch watching us because I saw him. Most of the hell we went through could have been avoided if he'd helped us, even a little bit, with the tree that he wanted cut down.

My animals really annoy me some days, but at least they are just animals and nearly always do it by accident or just because it's their nature. I can assume that people do it on purpose - or that they're really that stupid. Which is kinder, do you think?

Fake Isn't Funny

I've heard that money is the root of all evil. Then I've heard that the love of money is the root of all evil. But, you know, I don't think love is the right word. Desire perhaps? The desire for money? But that doesn't cover it, either. The overwhelming desire for any thing - money, possessions, recognition, fame, power, control - that may be closer to the truth. If you desire anything to the extent that you would compromise your principles (assuming, of course, that you have some), break laws, or hurt people to get it, it will lead you to 'evil.' Which brings us to the question of what is 'evil.' I don't have enough room to get into all the possibilities and philosophical discussion that could lead to, but at the simplest level I think evil is anything that hurts someone - including yourself.

Generally speaking, I'm not really a 'nice' person. I don't make friends easily. I don't wave at strangers. I have a few people that I love and some people that I like, but I view the 'unwashed hordes' of the general public with a jaundiced eye containing more than a little suspicion and mistrust. If I don't know you, I'm likely to avoid you, even ignore you.

And yet.. it would never occur to me to do something that could harm people I don't even know. I just can't understand it. Take for example the people who write viruses. Why? What could possibly be a reason to create and disseminate something that will harm hundreds or thousands of people? Do they think that it somehow proves they are 'better' than all those people? Are they so angry that they just want to lash out at people they don't even know?

Another example, one closer to home for me, is people who fake pictures and videos of the paranormal, either deliberately or by accident. I've taken bad pictures too. How does a person get from 'well, this shot is ruined' to

Wife: Hey, look, honey, Aunt Myrtle came to the family reunion!
Husband: What? That's just a streak on the film .. how do you get Aunt Myrtle out of it?
Wife: Can't you see it? That's the exact same shade of bilious green as the hat she always wore!

Yeah, that's bad enough, but going from that to calling the local paper or logging in to your favorite paranormal website and trying to convince the world that that streak is really Aunt Myrtle, or that distorted reflection in the glass isn't anyone you recognize in spite of the fact that it's clearly your best buddy who was standing next to you when you took the picture, is even worse.

And then there are the people who whip up deliberate fakes in Photoshop and present them to the gullible public as genuine 'ghost' photos, or get their buddy to run around in the forest in a gorilla suit and put up yet another 'Genuine Bigfoot Sighting!' video on youtube. The fact that said buddy in the gorilla suit is likely to get shot if there are any real Bigfoot hunters around aside, what's the point? The 'thrill' of fooling the public? The 'excitement' of getting 47 comments that all say some variation of "FAKE!"? I just don't get it. You could get just as much 'recognition' by admitting they're fakes and letting us try to figure out how you did it. We would appreciate that, and thank you for it!

But the more fakes and hoaxes there are that are presented as 'real,' and the better they get, the harder it's going to be to recognize 'the real thing' if it comes along. And that's just sad. The people who are really trying to find the truth, looking for the 'real thing,' are becoming jaded, overwhelmed, frustrated, and disgusted.

Come on people, give it a rest. Find something else to do. It's not like you're making money off these bogus pictures. Where's the thrill when the average teenager with an old pc and a hacked copy of Photoshop can produce something good enough to get posted on most of the 'submit your ghost photo' sites? Why not try something that's a real challenge instead?

What is it that you people desire so strongly that you will lie, cheat, and steal to get it? Perhaps you are telling yourselves 'but we aren't hurting anyone." You're wrong. Every fake hurts me, and hundreds of other people like me, who approached that picture or video with hope and spent time analyzing it. Do you think it's just funny to mess with the heads of the 'crazy' people looking for ghosts and cryptids? I remind you that Galileo, Newton, Einstein, and Edison were all thought to be 'crazy' in their day. Edison, in fact, got the first recorded EVP while trying to build a machine to communicate with the dead. How 'crazy' is that?

Ok, so we're fascinated by ghosts, Nessie, UFOs, Bigfoot, whatever. Why can't you just leave us alone? Wouldn't it be cool if we did find one? And finding a 'real' one gets a little harder with every fake and hoax you put out there. Lying to people is not funny, and fooling people with your lies proves nothing except that you are dishonest and a cheat. Whatever perverse pleasure you are getting out of it, your desire for it has led you to compromise the principles you should have, and you are hurting people. Now go back to the beginning of this post and refresh your memory about what that means, how it defines what you are doing.

Your Reality Box

I am mostly considered to be a sane, intelligent person in my 'right' mind. I am a responsible citizen and homeowner who works a job, pays taxes, obeys laws, etc.

Let's suppose for a minute that, as I was driving home from work one day, I claim to have witnessed a hit-and-run accident in which a bicycle rider was killed. I am the only witness, the only other car present on that 2-lane country road. When, a week later, they find the vehicle I carefully described including a partial plate number, it has had recent body work and a fresh paint job. Circumstantial evidence indicates that the owner of the vehicle was likely to have been driving on that road at that time, but he won't admit it and no one else noticed him. The case has gone to trial, and you are on the jury. I am on the witness stand swearing to you that I saw that vehicle, driven by the defendant, hit the bicyclist and then take off. The only other evidence is circumstantial. Do you vote guilty, or not? Ask yourself, and decide before you read the next paragraph.

If you voted guilty, you just sentenced a man to prison on my word. You decided the course of the rest of a man's life based on what I say that I saw. And you don't even know me. (If you voted not guilty, get lost! Why are you reading my blog if you don't believe a word I say?) (Just kidding!)

Now suppose I have witnessed something a little .. different. Here I am, still the same person, still swearing that I'm telling the truth and willing to take a lie detector test, but what I have seen was .. a UFO .. or Bigfoot .. or a ghost .. or a pterodactyl (thunderbird). Now what do you think? That I'm crazy, or having delusions, or lying? Why? You trusted me when you decided the fate of the hit-and-run driver, why don't you trust me now?

Because what I say I've seen is outside your Reality Box, that's why. Yes, you have one. We all do. Mine is probably bigger than most, but I do have one and there are some things that aren't in it .. like the idea that our President is really a shape-shifting reptoid alien. If ghosts, or UFO's, or bigfoot, are inside your reality box, you had no more trouble believing what I said I saw than you did believing me about the hit-and-run driver. But if these things are outside your reality box, I lost you as soon as I said I saw one of them. In fact, some people probably stopped reading this blog before they reached the end of the 2nd sentence in the 4th paragraph. (Did I make you go look? )

On TV, and sometimes in real life, we see examples of people whose Reality Box is smaller than ours, sometimes in very specific ways. Because another way to say Reality Box is Comfort Zone. USA's Detective Monk, for example, has a smaller comfort zone than many of us do, and we find his reactions to things that fall outside of it quite amusing, especially since we don't have all those ridiculous fears and hangups that he does. Oh, don't we? Don't you? To the person whose Comfort Zone encompasses at least the possibility that aliens (ETs, not stray Mexicans), Bigfoots (Bigfeet??), lake monsters, and ghosts exist, a skeptical reaction may be just as amusing as you find Mr. Monk's reaction to having to touch something that hasn't been sterilized.

Have you ever stopped to think about it? Who created your box? You? Well, partially, but your culture, parents, society, school, etc. all had a hand in it. If, for example, you were raised in China, the benefits of acupuncture are probably well within its parameters. If you were raised in the U.S., you might think "that's crazy. How could sticking pins in me make me hurt less?" Everyone and everything that has been part of your life had probably at least a small part in defining your Box, but you control it. You can make it bigger, smaller, change its shape .. whatever you want. Why don't you? When confronted with something that's not in their box, why do some people reject it while others accept it (thereby enlarging or changing their box)?

A few weeks ago I bought 15 pullets (baby female chickens) from my local feed store. When they were fully feathered, I moved them from the large tub I'd been keeping them in to a much larger outdoor pen. Instead of enjoying their new freedom, they huddled miserably in the 'house' I'd provided, and only the need for food and water finally brought them out of it. When talking about chickens, you and I can surely agree - they were afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of everything - the sky, the trees, the other animals, the sounds - that was outside their Box. Hunger and thirst - the basic survivial instincts - drove them out of their box in spite of their fear and forced them to begin accepting the big scary world.

But when I propose to you that most people reject things that are outside of their Box because they are afraid, you will likely object, especially if you are a skeptic who thinks that you are too smart, or too educated, or too [insert positive attribute of your choice here] to believe in that nonsense. Fear doesn't have anything to do with it!

How about a little exercise? No, don't get up, I mean for your brain. First, think of something that you wouldn't be able to believe if I told you I experienced it. Now imagine .. just for a few minutes .. that that something is real. How would it change your world? What difference would it make? Does the thought of it being real and "out there" make you uneasy? Or does it, perhaps, tug at the very foundation of your concept of reality, forcing you to reconsider the entire structure of your existence?

For example, let's take the family man, the good father, who believes that his family is safe and secure in their home, behind the security gate, the locked doors, and the monitored alarm system. If his neighbor, who has seemed troubled of late, finally confides to him that she has been being abducted by aliens at night, how will our father react? He can't believe her, because if he does, his family is no longer safe and secure. Not only that, there isn't anything he can do to make them safe from that threat - he would feel, not only afraid for his family, but also powerless and helpless (i. e. not in control!) if he believed her.

And after all that, I don't have any answers, or solutions, or even bits of profound wisdom for you. I'm just asking you to think about it .. the next time someone says or does something you think is crazy, crackpot, unbelievable, ridiculous, bizarre, etc. .. instead of taking it for granted, stop and ask yourself: Why? Why is this outside my Box? Do I want it to be outside of my Box, and if so, why?

You may not change your Reality Box, but at least own it! Recognize it for what it is and take control of it! And by the way, do you have a better understanding now of what you are being asked to do if someone asks you to "think outside the box?"

FAP is a four-letter word.

If it seems that I've been missing in action, I have. I'm being punished by WildBlue for having allowed my computer to download software updates.

Flashback: When we moved out to the country, internet access was one of my first concerns, but (at least initially) it was easier than I thought. Dish network offered broadband internet ('powered by WildBlue') along with the satellite TV service. They hooked it up, and much to my amazement it worked right off the bat on our Macs! Back when we got DSL from Ma Bell, it took a few weeks of phone calls and a service call to get it working correctly on our Macs. Yes, I know, it's a Windows world but I love my Mac. (As crappy and bug-ridden as Vista is and Panther/Tiger/Leopard etc. aren't, who's laughing now?) So, anyway ... the guy who did the installation had the service working, my email coming in and web pages loading about 15 minutes after he finished putting up the satellite dish. Hallelujah!

It worked just fine, albeit a bit slow at times, until we got our first FAP violation notice. This was when I discovered that in amongst the 7 or 8 pages of fine print that I didn't sit down and read carefully when I signed the papers was a Fair Access Policy that limits the amount of data you can upload or download over a 'rolling' 30-day period. I'd been playing with getting movies over the internet so after my initial annoyance I figured, ok, no more movies, that won't happen again. Problem solved? Not quite.

In December of 2007 parts of NE Oklahoma had a terrible ice storm. Perhaps you heard about it on the news.. We were without power for just under a week, from Saturday night 12/8 until Friday evening 12/14. (I'm not complaining, lots of city folks were sans electricity for longer than that, and we had a wood stove for heat.) My point is, when I was once again able to access the internet and get a week's worth of email, one of the messages was from DISH telling me that I'd once again exceeded the FAP. Huh? The email was dated Thursday, 12/13/07.

Now let's see .. it's a rolling 30 day period, so every day it looks at the previous 30 days and tallies up my usage. How could I possibly have exceeded the FAP when I'd had no electricity for the previous 6 days and therefore zero usage of the service? So I called them and explained. The CSR (customer service rep), who seemed to barely speak English, was unsympathetic and assured me there could be no mistake. Yeah, right. I was really mad that time but there wasn't much I could do, and by the time I'd really worked up a good head of steam to "do something about it," we got the notice that it had fallen back under 80% and we were restored to full speed.

The week after the ice storm, we had a cold rainy spell on a Saturday morning that resulted in wet tree limbs previously damaged by ice repeatedly hitting our power lines. Our electric co-op was very responsive and had service restored and the trees cut down in record time, but not before the repetitive brownouts and power interruptions had damaged my computer.

Back to the present: I've finally got the money, thanks to tax refunds and so forth, to get my computer fixed and the OS re-installed. Since I had to re-install the original OS from the CD, I'm now back to 10.4.0 and the current version is 10.4.11. Then there are the Java updates and iTunes updates and so forth.. For several days my computer was downloading and installing some kind of update every day until I was back up to speed.

Then suddenly, this past Thursday evening, our internet pretty much quit working. Our email timed out about half the time, web pages loaded erratically, not at all, or with errors. Then, when I finally did manage to retrieve my email .. there it was .. that FAP violation notice. Friday morning I called DISH again, thinking that if I explained the situation they might help me out. I got lucky in the sense that this CSR actually spoke good English, but other than that it was a bust. Not only did they have me lowered to 70% of normal speed (instead of 80%) but they informed me that this was a punitive reduction that would last for 30 days regardless (instead of being lifted when I fell back under 80% of the FAP during the previous 30 days as had occurred back in November and December).

I have a few questions which they are unwilling or unable to answer:
1) When and where did a company get the idea, much less acquire the ability, to punish its customers for using too much of the service they're paying for?
2) When did the policies change and why didn't I receive any notification that it was changing?
3) How did I manage to exceed the FAP when I wasn't using the service? (during the 12/07 power outage)?
4) How can they charge me $50 a month for a service that is so slow it's essentially non-functional and yet I can't cancel the service without paying a hefty cancellation fee?

I have to admit, however, that they did have a solution for me! Pay just $20 more a month for the next 'level' of service and my bandwith limits will nearly double!

Yep, I see what the problem is now. I'm not paying them enough money. FAP really stands for "Finding Additional Payments."

Caveat Emptor!